testing the waters

well, i always thought i wanted a blog so  here i am.  i am wondering who reads them and who will here the rants of an unpregnant chic?
 today i just want to see what it feels like to say this outloud:"i wish i were the opposite of unpregnant."  i really want the morning sickness.  i really want to be kept up for 6 months by feedings and teething. i want to watch a lil one learn to walk.  i want to go shopping for a car seat.  i want to see my husband's smile in a baby's that we call "ours". 
i also wanna say it isn't fair.  "it isn't fair" because we chose this.  who choses potential loneliness? it isn't fair when 50% of a whole is too afraid to try.  it isn't fair when 50% acutally hurts because the other won't even talk about it. 
testing the water causes waves.  waves can capsize even the sturdiest of ships.